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About us Responses Nikolai, 29 y.o.
Nikolai, 29 y.o.
I was 13, when I tried alcohol first time. It happened, when I with my friends celebrated New Year. I was so drunk, that I remember only beginning of this feast. My friends told me about the rest events, which happened with me after that. I got at my home in insensible condition. My parents felt real shock, when they saw me.
 I felt a big shame before my parents next day. But the time is gone and the stories like this repeated again and again. At least every day off I used alcohol. At first I tried to hide my drinking from my parents, but they started to notice me, when I was drunken more and more. I can not say, that I grown up in bad or poor family. I had good food, clothes, pocket money. I studied good at school. But sometimes I had a conflicts with my mother and father. Always I tried to live as I wanted. I did not want to listen my parents advice. All my free time I spent with my friends. Our main amusement was alcohol. I felt good and funny in company. In that time I did not think that alcohol could create a big problems in my life. I finished my education and started to work. All my money I spent for amusement and alcohol. But in fact of that I never thought about myself as an alcoholic. I drank gradually more and more. Sometimes my hard drinking continues some weeks or even months running. My big problems started-I passed my job, spent the nights in different places, which I did not remember. Finally I agreed with my mother to start my treatment from alcoholism. It was hypnosis method. Then I was 22 and this treatment helped me-I was stop to drink. I liked my new condition. I was full a hopes and was sure that my life beginning only. Also I was proud that I could be present in drinking company, but I did not used alcohol myself. But gradually this condition started to bother me. I felt that I lost something important for me. I felt some emptiness inside me. I needed to fill this one. I started to smoke marihuana. I met new “friends”. I was liked this new feeling, new people, new views. The world near me seemed more bright and interesting. The time gone funny and without problems. We spoke about other drugs. Every of us told about own experience and gradually I desired to try all drugs, which I knew. I started to try all drugs, which I could get. I feared to try only one-opium. My friends, who used opium, told me that this one is very strong and dangerous drug. They told me, if man will try this drug even once-it will be forever. I knew how addicts suffered. Some of them was imprisoned, somebody spent many times in hospital and tried to treat consequences of using drugs. In the end, many of them died because of overdose, blood infection, AIDS. However I was sure, that I’m not like others and I can try one time. In the beginning I had not big problems. I had enough money for my doze. I visited my job, executed my daily duties. Some months is gone this way. But one thought visited me more and more-one day I’ll need to stop. It was terrible to think about it-that in one day I’ll not have possibility to get drug. I tried don’t not think about it. Now I’m well, but tomorrow will be tomorrow. Problems appeared very soon. My doze increased more and more. The doze, which I used for one week, now was not enough even for one day. My parents started to notice that something happened with me. I had a problems at my job. Numbers of time I tried to stop to use drug. But I could live without drug not more then two days. I was sure that I’ll able to stop myself. But all my attempts had not any success. In that time I had not enough money for my usual doze and I started to steal, to take stuff from my home. I felt a big shame, but I continue to do it. I deceived surrounding people, but at the first turn I deceived myself. I could not say to myself-I’m drug addict… My parents tried to help me: they bought expensive medicine, I had a different treatment in hospital, rehabilitation center. I promised and swore that never! I went out from the city, trying not have any contacts with my drug addicts friends. But every time, when I returned I started using again and again. In that time I did not get any pleasure from drug. But I could not stop anyway. It was horribly. I lost normal friends, job. But mainly, I lost any hope for recovery. I started to think about suicide very often. I lived such life 3 years. Only my parents tried to give me little hope. It was very difficult time for them. I think, they suffered more hard then me. But they never lost the hope. One day my mother proposed me to meet with psychologist, who worked with drug addiction problem. I agreed, but only for my mother’s wish. I had not any faith and hope, that somebody can help me. When I met this psychologist I knew about “12 steps” programme. Also I knew about many people, like me, who has the similar problem, but who lives without drugs. He recommended to meet with these people. This psychologist worked in charity fund “The right way”, which was occupied with addiction problem. In this organization I met Dmitry, who worked with groups of Anonymous drug addicts-N.A. Dmitry introduced me with people, who visited these groups and who were clean from drugs for a long time. I started to visit these groups. At first, there were difficult to understand what are they talking about and how these groups and people can help me. But these people inspired me and convinced to come again and again. In during the time I gained new friends. My life started to fill of sense. Now I’m very thankful to God, that He gave me possibility to meet with these nice people, who shown me the real Right way. They help me to stay clean from drugs and give the hope for recovery. I still have many different problems- with health, job etc. But I believe, that God loves me and is does it always.
 
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